afternoonsnoozebutton:

Wait, I think I’ve found my new favorite worst website ever. “To love, honor, and vacuum” (I added in the Oxford comma) deals with pressing questions for modern Christian women, including:

1. Is it okay for Christians to use sex toys? (Answer: No. “Most guys aren’t that big. And they can’t vibrate like that. Do you really want to get reliant on something your husband can never be for an orgasm?”)
2. What’s a godly form of birth control? (Answer: the chart method. Keep a calendar, toss the condoms.)
3. What should I do if my husband wants to be adventurous in bed? (Answer: New positions are okay, but be careful! This desire for adventure might be enabling his porn addiction!)
4. What to do if I’m too loose to have sex? (Answer: Buy Kegel exercisers on Amazon. But be careful to make sure you don’t accidentally buy sex toys!)

You can read the whole hot mess and learn about how to correctly glorify god with your vagina here.

Most guys aren’t that big. And they can’t vibrate like that. - this person obviously never read fanfiction

(via flashandthunderfire)

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    I’m going to die laughing.

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    Most guys aren’t that big. And they can’t vibrate like that. - this person obviously never read fanfiction

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    …i really dont want to live here anymore

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    Oh fuck. This might have just made my day!

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    Reblogging for the above comment ^

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    about like this book I found that suggests things like always giving in to your husband’s sexual demands and never...

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    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omgg i can’t breathe.

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    This isn’t real, right?!

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